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a fine frenzy - elements

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 While this blog is still a secret, i should TRY typing out what’s bothering me. So many times i want to just sit down and not think or worry about anything else and just type out everything, everything on my mind. But life is just, there’s so much things going on at the same time and there’s so much i want to say but most of it will not make any sense i bet, so it’s even hard to voice it out.

It’s funny how things that affected/annoyed/angered/hurt you are always the same few and it’s the same for people. It’s kind of surprising in a really expected way that only people you do really care for can hurt you so badly. You couldnt really hate someone you never loved before, you know?

Today i felt like i was going to lose someone so important to me. The person who is taking her away from me might be the person she is turning into. If that even make any sense. She’s had been my best friend for so long and she’s really different. She’s family. We had gone through so much together, we had so many things in common, and i knw her so damn well. (or at least i thought so because recently i feel like she’s just a stranger next to me) We literally grew up together. I dont want to lose her, you know? It’s not something i can really control or talk to her about it or anything. I’m just watching her change and i am the one who is leaving. (it’s already starting to not make sense…) I couldnt stop things from being changed, but i can leave them first, before i find myself beside a stranger.

But i don’t want to leave.

I am afraid to even imagine what’s after that. It’s like one whole chunk of my life taken away and i’m serious because my whole life from what i can remember until today is hopelessly entangled with hers. All the things only both of us knew.

all the things i can only tell to her.